Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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