I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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