does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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