I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
