I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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