so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
