Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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