All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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