My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
