We're like a lot better than the average bears
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
