When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
