I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
