My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
