Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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