Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
