I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
