You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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