we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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