There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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