I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
