Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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