Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
