It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
