I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
