Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
