How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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