With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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