i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
