So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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