im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
