I think scott just propositioned me for sex
4 words: hood of his car
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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