someone get that fucking seahorse.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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