Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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