All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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