Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
