I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
