yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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