I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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