i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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