you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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