Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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