I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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