You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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