I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
