Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
