I wish I only lived at night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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