You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
