I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
