Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
