I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
