ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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