Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
