he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You pole danced in your parka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
