The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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