We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
