Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
