Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
