I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My feet surprised me
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