Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize