what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
