He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
