First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
