theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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