She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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