We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
