Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
