hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
