We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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