Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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