Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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