it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
