wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
