I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
