I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
