Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
