just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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