addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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