it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize