i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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